karma

Why I don’t believe in Karma. If there were such thing as karma I’d be much better off, probably a rich millionaire and not have to work or worry about money or the future for my kids. If there is true karma, I must have done something seriously wrong in my past that somehow I overlook these days. Perhaps I’m just too impatient and good karma is on its way, in the cosmic mail somewhere. Perhaps I’m just not good at looking at all the blessings I have, and it’s my place to uncover the great karma already existing in my life. I do have two really cool kids that I can’t hang out with enough. I did make the decisions that kept me from living with them for the years I was overseas. While these decisions were based on doing what I felt was best for my family as a whole, they were also based on frustration and conflict with one member of my family. While my original decision to join the army was based in part on laziness at looking for a job and panic in choosing what seemed like a steady and secure route to nestle a budding marriage and pregnancy, it resulted in both achieving these goals and shaking them as well. Perhaps my karma is learning, learning not to take the easy route, learning to go with what I really desire despite the uncertainty, learning to value what is at home through separation, and learning to make my own karma.